Terms of Salt
by JamieBell
Summary: Ron is a sensitive, emotionally well-rounded guy. Really.
1. Logic and Explanations

**Disclaimer:** No... no... still no... it remains no... uh, no... I got it now! No... And... NO! Oh! Plus... No.

**Summary:** Ron is a sensitive, emotionally well-rounded guy. Really.

**Terms of Salt**

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The emotional range of a teaspoon? _The emotional range of a TEASPOON?_ What is that supposed to mean? Is she saying that I don't have feelings? I'll have her know that I am chock-full of feelings, thank you very much! So full, I'm about to burst! Even if my emotional range "is the size of a teaspoon". Let me explain.

The way I see it, feelings are like salt. How? I can see you wondering. Let me put it this way. What would life be like without emotion? Dull, empty, bleak, I can see certain know-it-all's using those words to describe it. But in my words, I'd say it would be bloody boring. Feelings are like little lumps of happy, angry, and the occasional jealousy. All of these feeling lumps are then gathered up and dumped in one place: our heads.

So, back to salt. What do we use salt for? Melting snow of the sidewalks? Sure, why not? But I'd say the common use for salt is flavoring food. What good are mashed potatoes without a little salt? They aren't. They're nasty, blah-tasting piles of white paste. So, if feelings are salt, and salt flavors food, then it's safe to say that feelings flavor life. The happy and angry lumps make life tolerable, and the jealousy lumps spice it up. There we go. All finished, right? Wrong!

My mum says a little salt will go a long way, and I'm here to say that it's true. I reckon a teaspoon of salt could easily flavor at least five plates of mashed potatoes. Believe me, this is coming from the guy who knows and understands mashed potatoes, five plates will hold a lot of it. Good stuff. Yum.

Ahem. Pardon me. Now where was I? Oh yeah. Salt. It goes a long way. Anyway, if you're talking about feelings in terms of salt, a teaspoonful is a huge amount. Therefore, it can only mean that I am loaded with feelings, emotions, whatever you want to call them. Take that! I, Ronald Bilius Weasley, am an emotional human being and wizard.

Besides, who is she to call me an insensitive wart anyway? _She's _the one writing to Viktor-Bloody-Krum. A guy who is older, a guy who plays international Quidditch, a guy who is stoop-shouldered, and duck-footed. How could he possibly understand her? Has he had to endure her nagging? Nagging to do homework, nagging to eat with mouths shut, nagging about hair, nagging about sleep, nagging about S.P.E.W. How could she possibly understand him? He lives Quidditch. _She _thinks Quidditch promotes bad feelings and hostility. He's being insensitive by even talking to her, and she's being insensitive by talking back. Her penpal, my eye!

Well, I'm happy to say that on this point, she's wrong about me. Sensitivity and emotion run all through me. I'm overflowing with feeling lumps. Merlin, talking about salt and mashed potatoes makes me hungry. I think I'll go see what's for dinner tonight.

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**Author's Note: **Weird, I know. But fitting. I wrote it during Health this morning, we were talking about mental and emotional health and I decided to write out the idea for this fic that I had thought of a long time ago. I write story ideas on Post-It notes... and then I lose them, but every now and then, the memory comes back and I write them down. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, and please review! Thanks a ton!

**Plug:** Chapter Two of **Jumping on the Bandwagon** will be up in a day or so.


	2. Afterthought

Hey! I just thought of something. I have one more thing to say if you still don't believe me when I say that I am sympathetic and sensitive. You want someone else who's insensitive? You want to know who got me into trouble with her for being a wart in the first place? Well, take Miss I-Support-the-Tornadoes-Because-They-Just-Started-Winning-Even-Though-They're-a-_Completely-Lousy_-Team Chang. Talk about a black haired balloon full of salty water just ready to burst as soon as it sees Harry. The poor bloke's got enough on his mind with Snape and bad dreams; he doesn't need to relive Cedric kicking the bucket or be contaminated by her views on her favorite Quidditch team, even though we all know that the Cannons rule. You hear me? The Chudley Cannons RULE!

I stand by what I said before. Having the emotional range of a teaspoon is a compliment. In fact, I have the emotional range of a _heaping_ teaspoon. A heaping teaspoonful of salt, I mean.

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**Author's Note:** How pathetic! I found my lost Post-It note on this story (it was in my school notebook)... I left out a completely good passage! I couldn't just forget it about, so here it is. Plus, how could I give up the excuse to respond to you, my wonderful reviewers?

A million smiley-faces and a huge hug to **kingmaker** for reading my mind as I wrote this fic. The "ogres are like onions" analogy was exactly what was running through my head as I typed.

**Lady Cantara:** Thanks for the kind words, but this story isn't going any further than it's gone. Glad you liked it!

**Hermione30:** His attempt at being logical was quite dismal, wasn't it? And I thought I wouldn't be able to wing it... Sorry for making you hungry!

**sarah-mason19:** I always say when things are organized, they're much more pleasant to read. That rule does not apply to my room, however! Thanks!

**bando2:** Ron is Ron, and if he wasn't Ron, well, then he wouldn't be Ron, would he? I love Ron.

**J Black:** I love Ron also. Like Hermione30, I don't really know which Ron I like best: movie!Ron or book!Ron. I like movie!Ron's facial expressions, but I love book!Ron's sarcasm. I relate to him, you see. Thanks!

**Azaelia Gamgee-Took:** His unique-ness is what makes him wonderful! Thanks for reading!

**Miss Corker:** Maren Ord, yeah... I remember her, she also sings the song in The Singles' Ward, before Jonathan gets attacked by a wad of pink chewing gum. Hehe! I think you should write the songfic, it's your idea after all... I think it sounds like a fun song. Thanks for your great comments!

**pinkmooseofdoom:** Thanks!

**Blatant Discontent:** Glad I've supplied you with a comeback! [winks]

**kingmaker:** I think it's hilarious how everyone knows how Ronnish this is, having him compare life and things to be ingested... [sighs from laughing so hard]

**NotYourAverageSchoolgirl:** I didn't think he was clever enough to come up with it either, but I figured he might have been subconsciously forming his opinion. I'm relieved you think this was good, it's very hard to channel Ron sometimes; he's a very complex character in his own right. Taiwan was fantastic... horribly hot and humid, but well worth it!

**CoPaCaBaNa-mAgIc:** Of course he is! Can't you see them spilling out of his ears? Lol.

**airhead14:** Well, she _is_ always nagging him, isn't he? So very Hermione-ish! Lol.

**Oh! I just remembered! You remember how I told you (in Letters and Care Packages) about that hilarious Harry Potter song? Well, now you can listen to it for free and no hassle. Just go to ****and you'll see it right at the top. There will be two versions of it: _Harry Potter_, and then there's _faux British rendition_. I suggest listening to both, and I highly recommend right-clicking them and saving them as targets. Listen carefully to the dialogue in the background on the British rendition; I nearly cried, I was laughing so hard.**


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